On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize