I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
