I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Randomize
