she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
