can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
