you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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