Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
