my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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