He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I intend to get homeless drunk
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
