im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
