I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
