there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Randomize
