i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
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