a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
The convent might be a nice break from real life
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
