I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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