Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
