There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
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