The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
