He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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