a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
