you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
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