Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize