dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
