This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
