My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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