Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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