well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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