she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
