Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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