either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
