Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
