i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
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