Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize
