Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
