I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
