the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
