Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
