Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
