Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
