If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
How does one acquire holy water?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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