omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
