they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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