my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
