mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
