Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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