Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
