if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
