yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
