So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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