Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize
