he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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