you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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