I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
