apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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