When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
