I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
