You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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