I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
