i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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