There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
