ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
whose parrot is this?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
