I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
